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It’s a good time as ever to return September 7, 2012

Posted by nsbblol in Uncategorized.
1 comment so far

Since the NSBB Gods, and by ‘Gods’ I mean depthless, desultory, jejune so-called NSBB Police won’t allow baby Meph back in, there’s no reason not to contribute my thoughts using this wonderful platform.

While I have matured and grown over the years and no longer feel like being a complete douche on the interwebs, sometimes you just gotta put an idiot in his place because if you hurt his feelings, sometimes he will take it upon himself to get smarter in order to stop the attacks on him. Think of it as a defense. 

The Truth March 15, 2008

Posted by nsbblol in Uncategorized.

Mephistopheles didn’t write the hilarious stuff here. Sorry guys, you’re good sleuths, but not THAT good.

Poops Cubs February 28, 2008

Posted by nsbblol in HoopsCubs.

As a rule, I try to stay away from the human landfill that is the Stream of Consciousness thread in the Social forum of NSBB. However, recently it was brought to my attention that CT (who I named my gerbil after because of the resemblance) was telling anyone and everyone who cared (RoastTheFuckingRetard) that a certain poster who goes by the handle “HoopsCubs” had recently left our beloved community due to a very public (and funny) beatdown by Meph (of all people/robots). AND IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH NUMBERS!!! Fucking embarrassing.

Anyway, “Hoops” floated the “rumor” that the Cubs might be interested in Coco Crisp. Well, several people responded, including NSBBLOL faves Deuce Miles and Mephistopheles. Both roundly shot it down as being baseless and the thread moved on.

A PHUCKING PHENOMENAL SIXTEEN DAYS LATER, poops literally poops out this gem:

16 days ago you accused me and/or my source of fabricating a story. You should know this: I will continue to post rumors from sources, who I believe to be credible based on my history with them regardless of how unreasonable or unrealistic you think the trade scenarios are. I am not in the business of fabrication. I am always very clear on this board differentiating between deals I’ve heard vs. deals I am suggesting. And considering that Bruce Miles (who I think we can all agree has an absolute stellar reputation for facts in addition to being very generous with his time here), has chimed in twice in the last 7 days that there may have been/may be some discussions going on, at least now I feel good for my source, who you unfairly through under the bus. The information that the 2 teams had or are having discussions was not only credible, it was real and confirmed regardless of what your stamp of approval may or may not think.

OMFL BABY JESUS. Now that’s shitting the bed! Lets see what we have here: self-righteous indignation, desperate attempts at affirming one’s own self-worth, name-dropping, random cliches, and just overall pathetic grasps at saving face (FAIL).

Admittedly, Meph does a pretty good job serving this pathetic idiot his papers, but we’re not going to post it here, lest that cock gain some self-confidence from this exercise (that kid needs more confidence like I need Bob Sanders’ limp tool in my ass). If you want to read it, here’s the link.

Over right?


This brings us to the Stream of Consciousness (blatant misuse of the word “consciousness”) incident of yesterday. It’s all too mindless to force anyone to have to read, so I’ll summarize:

CunT: I know something about Hoops
NSBB: who cares?
CunT: but I know something damnit
Roast: TELL ME
CunT: no
Raisin: :(
CunT: stop being coy. wait, what does that mean? hold on, i’m going to pm something to everyone who doesn’t care.

contents of pm from CunT (no, you didn’t actually send it to me fucknuts, someone else did):

I will set the record straight. This will be the last time I post anything on this site. I will not originate a thread and I will not reply to threads going forward. While I appreciate your comments very much, there are consequences to all actions (or lack of action). I have to live with not being an active participant on this board going forward; you have to live with me and whatever contributions you perceive I make not being here anymore. It is what it is.Both sides (UMFan83 and Stitchface/Banedon/NCCub) are correct in a sense. One specific post did not send me into a rash decision. This has been building for a few months. However, one specific poster absolutely represents what is really wrong with this message board (in my opinion) – his unchecked, systematic attack of people (me on several occasions and many, many others) instead of the arguments led me to the conclusion that it was time for me to go. You can repeatedly question my argument; you cannot question my integrity.

Bottom line: there is a real lack of maturity on this board. I am 41 years old. I know the Cubs. I love the Cubs. I love talking about the Cubs. I love analyzing the Cubs. I love debating the Cubs. I love constructively criticizing the Cubs. But, it all needs to be done in a mature way 100% of the time. Not 50%. Not 90%. That is what I teach my kids – those are the guidelines I live by. I have found a medium, which I believe gives me the type of environment I seek. If it degrades in time, I will move on again.

I’m not trying to prove a point. I’m not saying I’m right. I am saying I can no longer be here.







…. that’s just epic. What a fucking clown. So not only is this testy piece of shit a complete and utter blowhard, HE’S A FUCKING FORTY-ONE YEAR-OLD BLOWHARD. FUCKING EPIC I TELL YOU. There’s really one way for NSBBLOL to respond to this:

Goodbye PoopsCubs, you will not be missed (by anyone who matters).

Quick Hits February 25, 2008

Posted by nsbblol in Uncategorized.

Quick, which NSBB poster does this remind you of first?

Live Responses Fuck Yeah! February 25, 2008

Posted by nsbblol in Uncategorized.

In this post we will respond to the unrational spewed shit from the Miles thread. I expect all of our favorite idiots to be present: Cro Magnon, DeuceBaseman, OleMissCub, Derwood (oh we’re hitting you soon bitch!), and so on.

I must be hones, I have yet to read the thread on the FJM article. I was scared, scared into a state of pestilence. But let’s not remove ourselves to far from the shit-lactating cesspool that is NSBB. NSBB loves gurgling a good jizz’m from the shriveled cock of Douche Miles. I expect this thread to be a loaded shotgun for all of us at nsbblol.

douchebaggery at its finest. the author of nsbblol is the lowest kind of internet coward
— Derwood

Say what? Why the fuck do you think you have any right to speak on Internet douchebaggery? You don’t. You’re just a pathetic waste of life. I mean come on. Let’s go back to 2007 (you can remember that long ago right? you’re not that old). Remember that tournament for best poster or whatever you started? You got SO FUCKING worked up over the real truth coming out. The fact is nobody liked you. I didn’t like you. The shitbricks didn’t like you. The mods didn’t like you. NO ONE AT NSBB LIKES YOU. FUCKING LEAVE DAMMIT.

An Anonymous Open Letter to the Daily Herald February 25, 2008

Posted by nsbblol in Bruce Miles.

 Dear Douche Miles,

In the About Us section of FJM, a link the uncanny investigator that is the One and Only Bruce Miles mysteriously failed to click on (given that he’s the greatest typer of words and aggregator (kind of like an alligator, but with yellower teeth) and disseminator of information to have ever watched the Chicago Cubs), you will notice several things (if you’re not a fucking moron) as it says:

Please do not send e-mails to us about anything other than sports journalism.

in addition to an original posting date of Wednesday, April 20, 2005.

I’m thinking there might be significance here.

Hold on I’m getting a clue.

Ok yeah there it is.

Maybe – hold on to your desk chair – the authors of the website at one point had an issue with people not following their respectful request.

Maybe – I hope you’re still holding on – because of said issue they removed that information from their website.

Maybe – we’re almost there – due to the nature of their professional obligations (kicking ass and taking names on my television), an industry known for its magnetism for crazy fucking lunatics who troll the world looking for something awesome to soil, they weighed the costs and benefits (shit i’m turning into that earth2sean fucker) and decided it was a good idea for them to just eliminate that particular headache from their lives.

Maybe – no seriously, this is the last one – they realized the error of their ways after thinking long and hard (we can’t know for sure but I’m going to guess it was something like 2 1/2 years), and decided to put it back up.


So, Bruce. Now it’s your turn. Admit that you fucked up here by wetting the bed at NSBB and having a meltdown of Britney Spears proportions (ok, that might be an exaggeration, but I had to keep the morons interested with a pop culture reference).

You see Bruce, it’s OK. We here at nsbblol understand that shit has been kind of fucked up in your personal life recently. We understand that sometimes that shit spills over into other endeavors. That’s fine. What we simply cannot tolerate is one of the better examples of an actual journalist on the Chicago sports scene publicly embarrassing himself and soiling what was a fine reputation for professionalism.

Apologize so we can move the fuck on from this ugly incident, so you can go back to ribbing Theriot for being a waste of space in reference to Wrigley Field, and we can go back to slicing up the stupidity on NSBB into manageable/disposable portions.


McCain Cock Gobbler February 22, 2008

Posted by nsbblol in earth2sean.

So there’s this guy on NSBB. His name is earth2sean, I don’t know if you’ve noticed him or not, but the guys a total knob hopper. As the Chinese proverb goes “heaven lent you a soul Earth will lend a grave.” Well earth2sean, you’re giving all sane, smart NSBB posters a deathly grave. I mean come on. What kind of person is lame enough to sign up on a message board about the Cubs, but post a majority of their messages on the Social Forum? That’s the only place I ever see this guy. I mean seriously. Why not just signup for Eharmony or some shit so you can find the person who completes you, like bluetits/blueheart or Laura.

He’s apparently the president of The Young Republicans at his school are something. Awesome, great. Do you have a fucking blowup doll of Ronald Reagan that you suck off every night before going to sleep? Or do you watch hidden Margaret Thatcher pornos? The only thing more tedious than the wrinkled political windbags on CNN are the 22-year-old political windbags on NSBB. I don’t know how it’s even possible for you to type those misinformed, third-grade caliber economic treatises when you have Reagan’s shriveled corpse-cock in one hand and Margaret Thatcher’s sandpaper pussy in the other. The best part is, your steaming platters of misinformation are served up on a bed of condescension. Because for guys like earth2sean, it’s not enough to be wrong. You’ve got to be a cunt about it, too. I’d cut and paste some examples, but why even bother. Just go to social and sniff your computer screen. When you smell bullshit, you’ve found earth2sean. Okay, I take that back. I’ll copy and paste some examples for you guys.

interesting, because that’s pretty much the opposite of a lot of the things that I have read. My economics professor was just bitching about how everyone is complaining about gas prices and $100 barrels of oil. Do you have a link for that graph?

This was a response to someone calling him out on a comment regarding “record high” oil prices. A casual glance above his posts in this particular threads allows us to notice that Derwood and Banedon were the guys that took him down. FUCKING DERWOOD AND FUCKING BANEDON. My lord. That’s like getting beat in charades by a blind guy. Honestly, you should have suicidal thoughts after a display like that. Good job earth2sean, you’re a real economist now! You make Truffle look good at predicting the weather.

Chelsea Clinton is an angel

Do you want to get in her pants or something? You know between her dad’s Secret Service and her mom’s terrible (dead) police caravans, you know she’s the most guarded pussy in the world. You’ve got some mad skill if you get in her pants. It’s truly an accomplishment of OMC Proportions. But here’s the thing: You’re pathetic. You’re a loser. You’re a faggot. Maybe you’re a bitch. Maybe you’re a cunt. Im pretty sure you walk down the street singing that one song, oh you know the one I am talking about: “I’m a bitch, i’m a lover, i’m a child, i’m a mother, i’m a sinner, i’m a saint.” There’s no chance you tap Chelsea’s ass, as fine as you may think it is. The song continues on…”I’m a goddess on my knees.” Fits you perfectly Sean!

I’d post more of his “opinions” from the political type threads, but in the end they’re all your normal redkneck republican opinions he probably copied and pasted off of Google. Quite frankly, I get 10 percent dumber I read each of his posts, and for the sake of my sanity, I’ll stop here. If you have any must-adds drop a line in the comments.

I hate the world today
Your so good to me, I know
But I cant change
Tried to tell you but you looked at me like maybe Im an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet

Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how youd be so confused
I dont envy you
Im a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

Im a bitch
Im a lover
Im a child
Im a mother
Im a sinner
Im a saint
I do not feel ashamed
Im your hell
Im you dream
Im nothing in between
You know you wouldnt want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean youll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And Im going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today wont mean a thing

Im a bitch
Im a lover
Im a child
Im a mother

Im a sinner
Im a saint
I do not feel ashamed
Im your hell
Im you dream
Im nothing in between
You know you wouldnt want it any other way

Just when you think you got me figured out
The seasons already changin
I think its cool you do whatcha do
And dont try to save me

Im a bitch
Im a lover
Im a child
Im a mother
Im a sinner
Im a saint
I do not feel ashamed
Im your hell
Im you dream
Im nothing in between
You know you wouldnt want it any other way

Im a bitch
Im a tease
Im a goddess on my knees
When youre hurt
When you suffer
Im your angel undercover
Ive been numb
Im revived
Cant say Im not alive
You know I wouldnt want it any other way

OMC’s Life Accomplishments February 22, 2008

Posted by nsbblol in OleMissCub.

According to OMC he is the best at EVERYTHING in the world. So, to honor him, I am going to keep an updated list of his life accomplishments. If I’ve left some out, drop the info in the comments:

aa-caliber baseball player
fucks hot chicks
grand wizard
master historian
preeminent authority on the beatles
totally hung out with eli manning and like lots of other athletes
bob costas fan club president
black person’s roommate
greatest former middle school history professor in the history of mississippi
award winning wikipedia contributor
roommate to black dude
Muslim Atrocity Watchdog
ADD Survivor
Left-handed, just like Da Vinci, Einstein, Alexander The Great, and Paul McCartney.
baseball history nerd
GIF/Picture Cataloger
Lived next to Lenny Dykstra!!
amateur cryptozoologist
believer in sasquatch and the loch ness monster
failed helicopter enthusiast

And here is his favorite picture

I PLAY THE FUCKING GAME February 20, 2008

Posted by nsbblol in DeuceBaseman.

I was debating on whether or not I should make fun of him again since I have already done it once and have yet to make fun of some of my more “established” shitheads, like Derwood. However, some of the shit this vag rag spews is hysterical. Have you guys read any of the sliding into first thread? Well let’s look at Duece:

I know a lot about the game of baseball. I was a .500 hitter in HS so I did have the skill but I think my mental makeup of the game was a lot stronger than my physical part, and thats why I’m coaching.

OH YOU’RE THE MAN NOW DOG. YOU COULD PLAY BEISBOL. That makes you special doesn’t it? I mean we have Baseball####, Reds44 and of course OleMiss at NSBB. I mean these guys are legendary. Hey Duece, I’ve got some fucking news for you. Just about EVERY fucking poster (including the cunts) at NSBB played baseball in high school and a lot were very good at it. Just because you went 1 for 2 in your high school career as a third string class one A high school catcher in the middle of trashville america doesn’t mean shit. Just because you “played the game” doesn’t mean shit. Bobby Jenks plays the game. Would I listen to a fucking word he says? Fuck no. He’s fucking retarded (literally).

Duece then graces us with FANTASTIC analysis demonstrating that sliding feet first is the quickest way to slide into the base. By fantastic I mean pathetic. The correct answer is diving head first, but oh well. I won’t blast him on this because I just don’t give a shit.

Mephiuckinguselesses February 19, 2008

Posted by nsbblol in Mephistopheles.

Is that a word? It is now. If you’re like me you like the stuff this loser brings to the table, but jesus has anybody ever realized how big of a loser he is? The kids on NSBB constantly it seems. Every post can be grouped into categories:

1.) Him talking about how smart he is.
2.) Him talking about how dumb someone (or everyone) else is. Hendry insults are included here
3.) A post with substance.
4.) Something about how Tim Tebow/Florida is better than sex.

Usually #3 is interlaced with #1 AND #2. I highly doubt any of his posts on the baseball forums are anything else. So like we did with NCCubFan, let’s analyze some posts of his. Just looking at the baseball posts:

7 Type 1
10 Type 2
12 Type 3
8 Other/Useless
25 Total

Wow…….About 1 in 3 of his posts are stroking his e-penis. Man this guy probably gets less pussy than the 40 year old virgin. This kid needs to be laid. (Send me your addy and Ill hook you up with NCCubFan). Another third of the posts (well the same posts) are stroking his e-penis from another POV. (Send me your addy again and Ill hook you up with Bob Sanders, I’ve heard he’s looking for the perfect rebound candidate).

Now I’m not brilliant and I can’t hold a glass up to his analysis, so let’s just make fun of him. What do you think Meph looks like? I think he looks something like this. Fucking hilarious.

I can’t be that far off. It’s not even possible. That’s gotta be close. So here we have meph, the perpetual crab-ass pseudo intellect who’s best friend is probably a thesaurus. Pretty much everyone on NSBB has posted entertaining stories from their day-to-day lives, why haven’t you meph? No friends outside of the internet? Even andy gets out more than you. He’s a real life 40 year old virgin.



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